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JimJay

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As I watched the Bears maul the Dallas Cowboys last night, I couldn’t help but to feel that I’ve been here before.

Back in 1985, I was eight-old-in-years and the Chicago Bear offense was the fire. They had a silent veteran running back who they called Sweetness in Canton. They had fat, glorified mascot who moonlit as a fullback. They had the craziest eyes in the business playing middle for the benchmark defense people remember, even to this day. They a head coach and a defensive coordinator who hated each other, even to this day. And they had the punkiest, most smart-assed, egotistical quarterback that ever played football on planet Earth.

Back when Jim remembered stuff…

My mind has made a connection to 1985–presently, the Chicago Bears are good–potential worldbeaters like their 1985 counterparts.. Everything was on all cylinders Monday Night, the Bears cooked the Cowboys like a can of beans over an open fire, 34-18. The line blocked, Cutler threw 2 tuds and zero ints, Marshall found his beast mode, Nick Roach showed the national audience that he would be any team’s number one linebacker (where he is #3 on the depth in CHI), and the defensive backs collected 5 from the hapless Tony Romo. It was electric what the Bears were doing down in Dallas. This is a team to circle on your schedule.

The biggest connection between the ’85 team and ’12 is the quarterback. Jay Cutler is just as much of a punk (some may argue more) than Jim McMahon. But America’s paradigm has shifted. What we thought was punky behavior in 1985, isn’t punky in 2012. I feel that would be an impossibility to be an 80′s punk in this day and age, as we inch closer and closer to the fated date when we forge together with the machine as she sinks her sharpies into our collective necks, singing a sweet lullaby as we bleed out.

BUT ANYWAY–today, what we find punky is assholery. In 85, when McMahon was an asshole, people found him endearing, a rebel even. But Cutler is perceived as a whiny little bitch–which is in a way is a punk these days.

You see, punks these days aren’t the kind of dude who would snort shattered glass in the woman’s toilet at CBGB’s in 1977–no, today’s punk drinks champagne at 11am and makes a stupid face as a cop writes him a speeding ticket. Today’s punks are the rich kids of Instagram. And their leader is Jay Cutler.

Although it was kinda funny, it was a bitch-move by Cutler

I kinda like this butting-of-the-egos between Tice and Cutler. To me, Tice is the unofficial Ditka in that Chicago staff. He’s mouthy, opinionated and he hates modern day punks (allegedly). The same way Ditka hated McMahon’s brand of mullety-Budwieser punkiness.

Maybe this is the winning formula for the Bears? Maybe they need the tension in the inner circle to pull the magic rabbit out of their ass once every 27 years. If so, I’m feeling it. The stars are aligning, just as they did  when Bill Cosby was hocking pudding pops and people cared about Duran Duran’s new album.

I laced this one with Angel Dust.

ANDDD BREAAAKKK!

Tebow! Tebow! Tebow! He’s coming, Gotham. He’s coming.

The Rex Grossman Æward I’m looking at you, Tony Romo, you pathetic puke.

Cleveland Browns Don’t see The Master, just don’t do it. It’s not that it was beyond me, I made the connection between hypnosis, alcoholism and Scientology and how they are all one in the same–a drug.  The film just didn’t realize that Hollywood is moving beyond the pretentiousness of the aughts. Master would have worked better in 2005. People hate that pseudo-religion now, thanks to Anonymous. Make a comic book movie already, Paul Thomas.

Peyton V. Brady I love when these guys play. I wonder if Manning can keep up with Tommy, who dropped his dick on the Bills D like a bear shits in the woods. They scored 31 points in the 4th quarter. What is the record for that in a non-desperate game. Sometimes, Belichick  is heartless. He is my hero. Manning is in over his head in Denver. The Broncos are worse than the Packers at this point. Numbnuts shoulda played in Frisco.

The bitch hates it when I call her Frisco.

Oakland Raiders This chick wrote this great piece about attending a Raider game. She was my lover in a former life, this I’m sure of.

 Arizona Cardinals Step away from the anointing oil!

 Brain Urlacher Is like a bizarro Tom Brady. Think about it!

Very Safe For Work…When Your Work Is Football

 End o’ Lyne